Hello… is there anybody out there, just nod if you can here me.
My mind swirls with the chaotic memories that make up my current life. Now at an age where responsibility is at an all time high, invisible chains tether me to the various aspects of my life that require my constant attention, and pull at me relentlessly. Like the ocean swell, the chains of responsibility tug and wane, sometimes coming from all directions. The vessel made of of my body and mind gets me through the turbulent tug-o-war of life.
Set adrift among the ebb and flow of life, where am I going? If I were a boat set to sea, would it not be with a destination or a goal… a purpose? A vessel without a captain is destine to deteriorate, find itself adrift, vulnerable to the ebb and flow of inevitable currents. Captain my captain where am I going? What is your purpose, what is the thing you’ve always been drawn to do? The thing that no matter how good you’ve gotten at being rational, objective or “realistic”, you’ve never been able to compromise? Is that your Captain? Is that the thing steering the vessel of your life? Because it should be.
The thing inside of me that has always steered my decisions… Shes a relentless bitch, a tough teacher. I can see her saying “Oh cute, you think that making ‘that’ decision will make you happy. Sure Sweetheart, go ahead and give it a try.” Knowing very well the tough lessons that lie ahead. She’s passionate, unforgivingly so and will settle for nothing less. No shortcuts, never a shortcut. Only the long hard road for me. Driven to find passion in all things.
I believe we often think of passion objectively. You’ll hear things like, I’m passionate for (fill in the blank). This template for passion sets us adrift for some-thing that will fulfill our happiness. What I think my tough inner teacher is trying to show me is that passion is not a thing, it’s an action. What if you made life your passion, what would that look like? Well life is made of a lot more then just any one singular thing, it’s made up of so many things, could you be passionate about all of them? Is there enough time in the day, or a lifetime?
Rachel, you want to connect with people. You want to understand suffering… you want to heal suffering. Why can’t you see that suffering is essential to growth, it is growth. This thing that suffers in the prospect of change, it’s not you. Change anyway. Sing, sing into your writing. Cry into the abyss. Connect. I’ve been pushed to grow, not for myself, but for the suffering of the world, for my passion of life, for this amazing experience to live, the ultimate gift. I didn’t ask for this… This has just always been my voice. I don’t always listen or hear my passion through all the noise of life, but she never goes away. She’s always eagerly waiting for my return, with a loving and tough embrace. She keeps me on track and moving forward.
Don’t loose your voice… Keeping singing, keep searching, keep trying. We need to hear you!