Tag Archives: Self-Awareness

The Tone Of My Voice

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I long to hear the tone of my voice… what shape will it take?  What sound does it make?

She’s strong, passionate, relentlessly determined… She’s had to learn the territory of overcoming oppression.  She’s had to learn to over come oppression in a society blind to its own discrimination.  She knows that their ignorance is blind, only coming to light through impulsive sparks of rage; spurring into a mask of righteousness, to cover up their shame.

They think awareness is the devil; ashamed to see how they really feel, ashamed to realize the limitations of their autonomy.  They don’t like the emotion shame, it must be a sign to turn back, right?  How could anything good come from shame?  If they turn away from this part of their-selves, this part of the human experience, then that must be a good thing… right?

‘That is right!  I’m not ashamed!  No!  I’m much smarter than everyone else, they haven’t learned to turn away from shame like I have.  THAT is their weakness and my strength, shame is not a good thing, it’s a weakness and the only way to overcome it is to not do the things that make you feel it!  Idiots!  All idiots, shame isn’t real, it’s unnecessary, a waste of time, how stupid everyone must be for believing in shame!  I’m so glad that I can live without shame, how good is that, how smart am I.’

Yet, she’s ashamed for us, not out of weakness, but of strength.  They type of strength that is capable of carrying such a heavy weight.  The type of strength that is built through seeing all humanity as one, like a timeless net endlessly emerging from the past and forever casting into the future, she embraces shame and in turn the whole race of humanity responds.

To be human is to be flawed, but she knows that embracing our flaws and walking in their direction is the first step towards divinity.  She knows that we can never be autonomous from our flaws if we turn away from them, but in their embrace we can learn from them, heal them.  She knows that autonomy comes from being whole, integrated, considered.

She waits to hear the tone of her voice…

 

 

 

Breaking Silence

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Breaking Silence

I like to write… and it’s for this reason I know that life thrives on cruel yet entertaining ironies.  I’m not good at spelling, grammar or giving a shit about the two, I just like writing.  It’s not that I don’t understand their value, like the infinite variables that reside in a simple sentence and how each one can completely change the meaning…  That’s pretty fucking awesome and incredibly intoxicating, but for some cruel cosmic reason, my mind cannot wrap its damn head around these formal structures and rules.  That doesn’t mean I won’t try my hardest, but you may catch a few wrong doings along the way, so here’s my upfront and formal apology.  Sorry!  I’m not perfect at writing and I’m not going to get the “formal” training to change this, so that’s all I have to say about that.

The other day I heard that to be good at writing you have to write for yourself.  Initially I thought ‘Of course!’, but then my mind really got to thinking about that concept and it kind of freaked me out.  I’m not sure I know what I like.  Over the last nine years I’ve been writing to get to know myself better, not for discovering my likes, but for the purpose of questioning them.  Have I been caught in a vacuum of ambiguity?

After letting the concept of writing for myself marinate for a couple of days, I discovered something…  I’m afraid of settling into a preference, or in other words creating a ground from which I can be set up for disappointment.  Yet this mental exercise also made me discover a truth I’ve been avoiding, which is that even the non-preference stance is still a stance, one I created as insulation to failure.  Preferences exist no matter what, and I’d much rather be the one deciding where my preferences lie verses continuing to try and convince myself that they don’t exist at all.  However, I have to look at my preferences as living organisms, in other words they must have some flexibility, to have the ability to change and evolve with circumstance.  Its like using a lighthouse as your destination, but then using the ocean swell to determine how you end up at the lighthouse.

Take writing for example… Writing to me is the destination, but what I write about needs to be organic, flowing and open to the moment.  The challenge: Is getting out of my own way.  Somehow my writing always ends up sounding more like a journal entry.  I’ve been writing in a journal consistently for the last nine years, therefore I often catch myself analyzing my thoughts verse exploring them.  I fell in love with writing because of the rawness and transparent truth that comes from it.  To me, writing is one of the best tools for self-awareness…  A quiet blank platform, that is relentlessly honest.  After all, a journal doesn’t write itself, every word that breaks the silent page is a window into your Self.

The intention of this blog is to create a platform from which I can explore to purpose of writing from a new angle.  To develop new ways to use this incredible tool for deeper and more expansive insight.  As important as it is to be able to “look” at yourself from the proverbial mirror, it’s equally important to cultivate the ability to expand your line of sight beyond yourself and see the world.  I can’t think of a better platform for this type of mental exercise then one that is connected via the world wide web, and whether it actually reaches that far or not is of no consequence, because the writing itself will still be developed as if it is!

Most importantly, I REALLY want this blog to be a home base where people come and feel connected, hopefully even understood, through this experiment of expanding our mental exploration.  I will unquestionably be covering the struggles and success of my experience in modern culture, as well as an optimistic view of the same, which I discovered as a result of extreme pessimism.  Life is hard but not without hope and I will strive to shed some much needed light on the topic!!

Enjoy the ride!

Rach