Tag Archives: life

The Tone Of My Voice


I long to hear the tone of my voice… what shape will it take?  What sound does it make?

She’s strong, passionate, relentlessly determined… She’s had to learn the territory of overcoming oppression.  She’s had to learn to over come oppression in a society blind to its own discrimination.  She knows that their ignorance is blind, only coming to light through impulsive sparks of rage; spurring into a mask of righteousness, to cover up their shame.

They think awareness is the devil; ashamed to see how they really feel, ashamed to realize the limitations of their autonomy.  They don’t like the emotion shame, it must be a sign to turn back, right?  How could anything good come from shame?  If they turn away from this part of their-selves, this part of the human experience, then that must be a good thing… right?

‘That is right!  I’m not ashamed!  No!  I’m much smarter than everyone else, they haven’t learned to turn away from shame like I have.  THAT is their weakness and my strength, shame is not a good thing, it’s a weakness and the only way to overcome it is to not do the things that make you feel it!  Idiots!  All idiots, shame isn’t real, it’s unnecessary, a waste of time, how stupid everyone must be for believing in shame!  I’m so glad that I can live without shame, how good is that, how smart am I.’

Yet, she’s ashamed for us, not out of weakness, but of strength.  They type of strength that is capable of carrying such a heavy weight.  The type of strength that is built through seeing all humanity as one, like a timeless net endlessly emerging from the past and forever casting into the future, she embraces shame and in turn the whole race of humanity responds.

To be human is to be flawed, but she knows that embracing our flaws and walking in their direction is the first step towards divinity.  She knows that we can never be autonomous from our flaws if we turn away from them, but in their embrace we can learn from them, heal them.  She knows that autonomy comes from being whole, integrated, considered.

She waits to hear the tone of her voice…





A Generation Lost In Stress

A Generation Lost In Stress

Do we have a voice that’s not lost in politics?  A scream for help that doesn’t get lost in the noise of plausible deniability?  If the bigger picture can’t help us then what can?  I’m now well into my 30’s with friends ranging from late 20’s to early 40’s… and we’re suffering, big time.  Why?  What is happening to my generation, why is everyone so damn miserable and unsatisfied?

Over stimulation, I believe, may very well be the cause of all this stress.  At work, we’re constantly plugged in via our emails, which for some come in as a constant stream with the expectation that you must respond immediately.  When we get home we’re tied to our phones which plug us into what everyone we know is doing (among many other things; games, email and so forth) and how amazingly un-flawed their lives look.  The wonderful vacations and the perfect selfie.  This constant stimulation can and in my opinion is definitely causing some of our stress, but is it the only cause?  Other then the fact that we’re being constantly stimulated by our electronic devices, what else is happening?  Time, it’s taking away our time.

Time to talk about how we’re feeling, time to talk to our children about how they’re doing, time to make decisions about our lives and whether or not something needs to change.  Time to be present with our lives, to be present with ourselves.  This lack of time to be introspective within our lives and ourselves has us going mad with stress and the unrelenting feeling of dissatisfaction.  Our over stimulated lives have effectively become a sort of repression to our emotions, we’re now no longer a generation repressing emotions from childhood trauma, but rather from the trance of modern technology.  What’s worse is our culture feeds into the technology trance by it’s standards of behavior and expectations there in…  What do I mean by that?

Email used to mean that you could send someone an email and when they got around to it they would respond, be it 1 hour or 1 day, that was pretty standard, which basically meant you could check your email once a day.  These days people tend to use email as a chat room, if you’re not responding right away, then you’re a slacker, not a team player, damned by this crazy cultural expectation.  So people have become tethered to their emails… You could be working on a complicated task that will probably take you 2 hours to complete, but an email pops up, you respond, you start back up on the task where you left off, when the person you responded to emails question, and off you go down the ping pong working style that’s created as a result of this crazy email expectation.  This is not to exclude the unscheduled visits by coworkers to your office or work-space, the unproductive and distracting office meetings and so forth.  We’re wrought with distraction… The fact is that when you work in this “ping pong” style, details will be forgotten and consequently quality will suffer.

We have to start understanding that this way of “working” isn’t just effecting our work, it’s effecting our lives.  This reactionary way of looking at life is very shallow.  It causes people to make impulsive decisions without thinking them through.  It’s causing people to work behind the ball instead of in front.  It causes parents to only react to the behavior of their children as it arises… This is not okay.  We need structure, planning and time blocking… THIS isn’t just for the type-A personality.  This formal structuring is becoming a necessity among our generation.  Life has only gotten more complicated as a result of the technology boom.  Contrary to our belief that it would make our lives easier.  When you plan your day, it raises the awareness of everything that makes up your day.  It raises the awareness that when you’re in the mode of reacting you’re only ever touching maybe 30% of what actually makes up your life.  Therefore, it’s easy to conclude that if you’re living in reaction there is a good 70% of your life not being tended to.

I have a bleeding heart for my generation… We’re suffering, badly.  Health is deteriorating, therefore our quality of life suffers and we’re all going mad with stress.  It’s not just at work, but it’s also at home.  Either our kids are acting out, or our relationships are suffering.  We’re drowning in our lives to try and stay afloat with the standards of life.  The adage of roof over head and food on the plate is hollow and void of value to our generation, it’s become the only standard we can sustain.  Suffering may be a part of life and politics may be good at distracting us enough to avoid the core issues, but when a core generation isn’t thriving the system will self correct… Sounds familiar right?  We’re a political system set up to thrive as much as possible until the next unexpected event comes to correct the imbalance, we’re a political system set up to react.

It’s true that there are parts of life that cannot be predicted, but there are ways of designing your life to be prepared as much as you can for those moments.  When you get to the end of your life, the only thing you can never get back is time.  Time with your children, time with your spouse, time with yourself.  So if you’re caught in the rat race giving away your time to meet the diseased expectation of our currently overstimulated culture, then you’re giving away the most valuable resource you have for nothing in return.  Unapologetically protect this finite resource.  Plan your day to hit the pivotal marks of that day and stay focused.  Prepare to succeed.  As easy as it is to blame society for our stress and our current state of being, with the lack of help and consideration from our government, we need to take control back.  We as a generation need to realize that the power is in our own hands.  If we change behavior, so too will the behavior of our work places change.  We are after all a society set up to react to the behavior of it’s inhabitants, THAT is where we have a voice.  Change the way you move according to the way you want to live and watch the world change in order to meet that expectation.

Don’t loose your voice through the noise…

Don’t loose your voice through the noise…

Hello… is there anybody out there, just nod if you can here me.

My mind swirls with the chaotic memories that make up my current life.  Now at an age where responsibility is at an all time high, invisible chains tether me to the various aspects of my life that require my constant attention, and pull at me relentlessly.  Like the ocean swell, the chains of responsibility tug and wane, sometimes coming from all directions.  The vessel made of of my body and mind gets me through the turbulent tug-o-war of life.

Set adrift among the ebb and flow of life, where am I going?  If I were a boat set to sea, would it not be with a destination or a goal… a purpose?  A vessel without a captain is destine to deteriorate, find itself adrift, vulnerable to the ebb and flow of inevitable currents.  Captain my captain where am I going?  What is your purpose, what is the thing you’ve always been drawn to do?  The thing that no matter how good you’ve gotten at being rational, objective or “realistic”, you’ve never been able to compromise?  Is that your Captain?  Is that the thing steering the vessel of your life?  Because it should be.

The thing inside of me that has always steered my decisions… Shes a relentless bitch, a tough teacher.  I can see her saying “Oh cute, you think that making ‘that’ decision will make you happy.  Sure Sweetheart, go ahead and give it a try.”  Knowing very well the tough lessons that lie ahead.  She’s passionate, unforgivingly so and will settle for nothing less.  No shortcuts, never a shortcut.  Only the long hard road for me.  Driven to find passion in all things.

I believe we often think of passion objectively.  You’ll hear things like, I’m passionate for (fill in the blank).  This template for passion sets us adrift for some-thing that will fulfill our happiness.  What I think my tough inner teacher is trying to show me is that passion is not a thing, it’s an action.  What if you made life your passion, what would that look like?  Well life is made of a lot more then just any one singular thing, it’s made up of so many things, could you be passionate about all of them?  Is there enough time in the day, or a lifetime?

Rachel, you want to connect with people.  You want to understand suffering… you want to heal suffering.  Why can’t you see that suffering is essential to growth, it is growth.  This thing that suffers in the prospect of change, it’s not you.  Change anyway.  Sing, sing into your writing.  Cry into the abyss.  Connect.  I’ve been pushed to grow, not for myself, but for the suffering of the world, for my passion of life, for this amazing experience to live, the ultimate gift.  I didn’t ask for this…  This has just always been my voice.  I don’t always listen or hear my passion through all the noise of life, but she never goes away.  She’s always eagerly waiting for my return, with a loving and tough embrace.  She keeps me on track and moving forward.

Don’t loose your voice… Keeping singing, keep searching, keep trying.  We need to hear you!