I long to hear the tone of my voice… what shape will it take? What sound does it make?
She’s strong, passionate, relentlessly determined… She’s had to learn the territory of overcoming oppression. She’s had to learn to over come oppression in a society blind to its own discrimination. She knows that their ignorance is blind, only coming to light through impulsive sparks of rage; spurring into a mask of righteousness, to cover up their shame.
They think awareness is the devil; ashamed to see how they really feel, ashamed to realize the limitations of their autonomy. They don’t like the emotion shame, it must be a sign to turn back, right? How could anything good come from shame? If they turn away from this part of their-selves, this part of the human experience, then that must be a good thing… right?
‘That is right! I’m not ashamed! No! I’m much smarter than everyone else, they haven’t learned to turn away from shame like I have. THAT is their weakness and my strength, shame is not a good thing, it’s a weakness and the only way to overcome it is to not do the things that make you feel it! Idiots! All idiots, shame isn’t real, it’s unnecessary, a waste of time, how stupid everyone must be for believing in shame! I’m so glad that I can live without shame, how good is that, how smart am I.’
Yet, she’s ashamed for us, not out of weakness, but of strength. They type of strength that is capable of carrying such a heavy weight. The type of strength that is built through seeing all humanity as one, like a timeless net endlessly emerging from the past and forever casting into the future, she embraces shame and in turn the whole race of humanity responds.
To be human is to be flawed, but she knows that embracing our flaws and walking in their direction is the first step towards divinity. She knows that we can never be autonomous from our flaws if we turn away from them, but in their embrace we can learn from them, heal them. She knows that autonomy comes from being whole, integrated, considered.
She waits to hear the tone of her voice…